FALSE SENSE OF IMMUNITY

CHAPTER 1

'Mushy' feelings were not exactly his strong suit, actually they're rather far from it. This said, Strong Bad was being forced to confront his (honestly quite awkward) feelings from within his cubicle at work.

Revelation one: he might have a tiny, itty bitty, little crush on Homestar. 

Revelation two: he had absolutely no clue on how to cope with revelation one.

He was now struggling to deal with these realisations as he curled up into a ball, hiding under his desk as he continued to avoid his actual work. Avoiding his work wasn't unusual for him of course, but he arguably had more of an excuse for his mind to drift elsewhere because this was all a lot for him to handle emotionally. He always tried to act like he was above these fluffy, mushy feelings anyway as well. These sorts of things seriously wounded his pride and he winced as he continued dwelling on it, he really needed a distraction.

As if his pleas were answered, he was suddenly reminded that his younger sibling currently had a temp job at the very same job. Perfect . He slinked over to Strong Sad's cubicle, a devious smirk proudly planted on his face. 

"Hey dork," he greeted as he immediately reached after, knocking over a cup full of writing utensils. That would prove to be a mild annoyance to pick up. Right on cue, ae groaned at his pestering.

"Strong Bad," ae said firmly, refusing eye contact with aer older brother. "The one and only," he snickered, proud of himself for almost instantly getting under aer skin. Ae rolled aer eyes and shot him a dirty glare, "I hope you don't mind, but some of us actually have work to do unlike some of us who goof around instead of being productive, not naming names."

He opted to just dip and not push this little escapade any further, normally he got a ton of enjoyment from riling up his sibling but now? Right now, it just didn't seem worth it, his heart wasn't fully in it at the moment so he decided that he'll hold out for a better opportunity to mess with aer. He raised his hands in mock surrender as ae maintained aer glare, "All right, all right, I can take a hint, jeez." 

He finally backed away from aer cubicle, so much for that distraction. Well, that was a total bust; he had to formulate a new game plan now.

He could go harass Homestar, however the immediate flushing feeling and anxious bile crawling up his throat made that option less than ideal. These fluttery, fuzzy feelings were too much for him to handle and it was going to make him hurl if he had to face the source of them. 

He buried his face into his gloves and tried not to scream into them out of utter frustration. 

He failed, resulting in a tiny, strangled scream barely escaping his throat.

Lucky for him, nobody seemed to notice so he took the chance to stalk back to his own cubicle and just pretend to be busy for the rest of his shift. He could do that, he does it all the time, it should be easy enough.

Except, it wasn't that easy because his stupid brain kept forcing him to think about the absolute fool that he unfortunately found himself enamoured with.

Soon enough, he found himself daydreaming about laughing at his shenanigans, pretending not to be endeared by them and teasing him before the two of them- okay , he was stopping himself there. He was embarrassed of himself for how soft this was making him, maybe he really was losing his edge.

Maybe if he did interact with Homestar, humour these little fantasies just a touch , he could hold them off for just a little longer. Just enough to make work bearable. He took a deep breath as he steeled his nerves, preparing his proper macho bully persona. He couldn't let him see through the cracks; he would literally rather die.

After he felt he was properly prepared for the interaction, he sauntered over to Homestar's cubicle with a devious look plastered to his masked face. 

Now, he had to think of a good insult, nothing too over the top, nothing too lame compared to his usual stuff. It had to be perfect. Was he being quiet for too long? It usually didn't take him this long to come up with something, Homestar must be getting suspicious. He can't let him figure it out. He felt almost nauseated as he continued to stew this over.

"Hey…" he still couldn't think of anything, quick just say something , "...doofus." That sucked, like really sucked, but at least it was something. "Oh, hey Strong Bad!" Homestar greeted, beaming at him. Okay good, Homestar wasn't suspicious. Strong Bad's heart fluttered a bit at this, trying to hide his feelings were going to prove to be harder than it initially seemed but luckily, Homestar's obliviousness was going to provide him some cover. An awkward, quiet squeak broke its way from his throat and he was immediately embarrassed about the sound, desperately hoping the other didn't hear it.

"Boss got ya stuck doing all this lame stuff I see, looks boring, 's perfect for you." Yeah, none of this felt like his best work. "Oh yeah, it sucks," he said, sighing dramatically and dropping his face onto his keyboard while Strong Bad watched on, trying not to snicker over the key smash input that made itself on the report or whatever paperwork he was working on. "I dunno why Pom Pom's having me do this, feels like some sorta torture, like I don't think I did anything to make him mad at me, did I?" Homestar's face twisted and contorted as he sat there in deep, confusing thought. He stayed like that for a beat before shaking his head with full certainty, "Nope, sure didn't. Had to think about it for a second, though."

Strong Bad snorted, "Guess Pom Pom finally stopped playing favourites then, huh?" Homestar looked up at him, leaning against his computer monitor with a pout. "You thought he was playing favourites?" he asked, his tone painfully sincere. The other immediately cringed at the question. He really didn't realise how blatantly Pom Pom gave him special privileges, did he? "I mean, the guy is your best friend , it kinda only makes sense," he grumbled, leaning back and crossing his arms. He fell silent and Strong Bad almost felt guilty about bringing it up, almost. He didn't feel too guilty, it needed to be said. 

The silence continued to uncomfortably hang in the air over the two of them while Homestar looked visibly upset. While he would never openly admit it, seeing him like this tugged at Strong Bad's heart. He could not stand how deeply this all affected him and worried that it was going to absolutely shatter his fragile facade. 

Trying to avoid that crawling sense of bile creeping up his throat and hide his ever growing deep blush that stubbornly stuck itself to his face, Strong Bad ducked away while mumbling a goodbye to him. He needed to go home immediately and luckily for him, the end of his shift was mere minutes away so it was the perfect time to escape. 

As the clock finally hit the hour, he quickly found his sibling once again to hitch a ride home with aer. 

Once they both arrived back at the House of Strong, he dashed up to his room and fell back onto his bed with all of these fuzzy feelings forcing their way up to the surface. He had a lot to digest mentally after his shift today and he was not ready to come to terms with it all.

No, not at all.

CHAPTER 2

After trying to sleep away the feelings as a distraction, Strong Bad found himself blinking awake. He rubbed at his eyes as he sat up with a dramatically large yawn and was hit by an immediate realisation. He somehow fell off his bed onto his floor in his sleep and it caused his head to hurt badly. He soothingly rubbed at the forming goose egg on his head, slowly standing up carefully. He stared at his bed, more accurately the pile of clothes and other miscellaneous junk that buried the actual bed itself. The pile had been partially dismantled from him rolling off the bed in his sleep, dirty laundry carelessly strewn across the equally messy room. 

He rolled his eyes as his sibling's nagging to clean up the room and after himself immediately came to mind at the sight. They really were constantly on his case about it and he honestly just did not care at all. He stared at the trail of clothing before grabbing it all and throwing it back in place on his bed. There, now it's off the floor, that had to count for cleaning up a bit.

He then flopped back onto his bed right after, not yet fully ready to 'seize the day' as people say and check his emails. His eyes dragged across his room, just trying to find something to occupy his time while he hyped himself up for the day. Finally, he landed on something that'll do. He rose slowly from his bed and stumbled towards it, grabbing a framed photo out from its hiding place. He turned it back over in his hand and stared at the picture with a slight sinking feeling in his chest.

' Glory & Strong Lad Strong Dad!! '

It was of his parents. He rarely saw them while growing up, if ever honestly. It wasn't that they didn't love him and his siblings, quite the opposite actually. The two frequently doted on the trio whenever they were actually in town, but they were always out travelling for their big time wrestling careers. He supposed it's where Strong Mad and him got it from. Still, it sometimes hurt just a little to be reminded of how little he got to actually see them in person, he kinda missed them but he would never say it.

Well, that got depressing and depressing really was not his style. That's more Strong Sad's thing.

Quickly shoving the photo back in its hiding spot, Strong Bad looked around for something else to try and distract himself with. Perfect. He found his most recent Taranchula vinyl and his headphones. He immediately burst into a wide grin, having forgotten all about the album. He popped it onto his record player and set it all up, excitedly pressing play before laying back onto the floor. 

He stared up at the ceiling as the music blasted through his headphones, a truly ecstatic smile plastered onto his mask. As he lay there, his mind began to wander ever so slightly, mostly to thoughts of Homestar. No. No . No . He did not want to even entertain those thoughts, he refused.

Curling up in a feeble attempt to wave away the thoughts, he clutched the record sleeve close to his chest and hummed quietly along to the music. As song transitioned to song, his eyes slowly closed themselves and his mind had free reign to focus on whatever it truly wished to think about.

So it did.

All he could picture was Homestar lying there with him, rambling aimlessly as the two listened to the album together. He was utterly smitten, unfortunately endeared by the antics even if he was trying to pay attention to the music as it blared on. He couldn't tear his gaze away from the other's face, his attention slowly diverting downward ever so slightly to stare at his mouth. 

He felt his face grow hot, a wave of gratefulness for his mask immediately washed over him. He rarely paid it much mind, but it was handy in times like this where he would rather his affections and intentions not be made immediately apparent. However, he did feel suddenly conscious about his shoulders and gloved hands shot up to cover any evidence of a stubborn scarlet blush dusting across them.

He wanted to kiss him. So, so, so badly. He knew he did, that scared him.

Invisible hands found their ways to his waist and suddenly his attention was pulled up to meet his eyes. His face felt like it was burning and his own gloved hands slowly reaching up to rest on Homestar's face, mind running a million miles a minute.

Slowly and cautiously like the action would result in the loss of his head, he leaned in closer and closer, heart pounding loudly in his ears as their faces were mere inches away from one another. Just a little bit closer and-

Strong Bad found himself rudely shocked awake by a sudden loud crash from downstairs. He crept out of his room and down the stairs to investigate, only to find that Strong Sad had dropped a pan while they were trying to prepare themself something to eat. They groaned loudly in annoyance as they buried their face in their palms, just utterly frustrated by it before they picked the pan back up.

"Well, that was a total failure," he commented and cackled as they jumped in surprise at his sudden commentary. "Strong Bad," they said coldly and sternly, glaring daggers at him as he grinned smugly. "What do you want?" they spat out, words dripping with the utmost venom. He beamed at them and fluttered his eyes in mock innocence, "Who? Little ol me?"

"Cut the crap," they demanded bluntly and rolled their eyes, "I know you're here for something." He snorted and sauntered over, absolutely radiating this aggressively smug aura. "Actually, I just came to check out the noise, it shocked me out of my daydre-I mean nap, really cool and manly nap," he cleared his throat as he tried to convincingly play off his slip-up. They immediately paused and gawked at him, unblinking. "Did you just…nearly say daydream..? Strong Bad, were you daydreaming?" they inquired. Oh this, this was too good.

"What? No! I don't daydream," he unconvincingly retorted, face absolutely burning from sheer embarrassment. Why did they of all people have to pick up on that? He would rather die right now than humour them about the mere idea that he daydreams.

"What sorta stuff do you daydream about, huh?" their tone was immediately much more mischievous than people and the snark was palatable. This was Strong Bad's own personal hell right now.

"I am not answering that, I'm not going to be indulging the likes of some geek with," he grumbled and they hummed in satisfaction. "So you do daydream then," they trilled, an otherwise uncharacteristic devious smirk smeared across their normally mopey face. 

Shit. 

Sometimes, they really surprised him and when they weren't being their usual sad sack self, they really could remind him of himself. He supposed growing up together would do that, but that wasn't important right now. No, what was important right now was keeping them from sniffing out the truth. There was absolutely no way he was going to admit to it, much less to his grim and gloomy sibling.

He could feel his face burning intensely out of embarrassment. They sneered at him as they took note and as was their sworn duty, they took the opportunity to be a proper nuisance of a younger sibling, "Oh my god, were you thinking about somebody?" Somehow , his face's burning grew in intensity and he felt like he was going to pass out at this rate. They were getting too close to sniffing out the truth at this rate and he knew deep down he could only deny the inevitable for much longer. They were getting too good at being clever, that was dangerous.

He groaned and buried his face in his gloves, crossing his arms and refusing to look at them. "If I was then so what? It's not like it'd even be anything more than a dumb fantasy," he mumbled, desperately hoping that they wouldn't hear him.

They cocked their head as they made out what he said. Curious, they kinda wanted to see where this goes because it has been a while since they even got a whiff of Strong Bad being genuine and not putting up this whole puffed up ultra macho man facade. "...not to be intrusive," they said, trying their best to speak carefully and not scare their brother off from sharing any more of this, "but what if she-"

"He," he corrected, clearing his throat to hide the correction a bit.

This got more interesting for them, but it did also make his hesitation about this all make even more sense. "Right, okay, noted. Continuing on, what if he returned those feelings," they proposed. While not being the optimistic type, usually preferring to wallow, they figured he needed this. 

"Oh, he totally doesn't though," he snorted and rolled his eyes, finding this all so silly. "And why are you so certain about that?" they immediately asked, wanting to probe into this as much as possible.

"Well, because full honesty and clarity? I'm not very nice to him," he murmured and immediately they laughed a bit. "Strong Bad, you're not very nice to anyone, you bully literally everybody," they replied, utterly amused.

"Okay, but this is different, it's Homestar," he stated bluntly, making sure to speak louder and more clearly.

This stopped Strong Sad in their tracks and their face faltered from its amused expression. They looked into his face for any sign that this was all a big joke and he was going to laugh at them for falling for such an obvious and stupid prank, but no signs of such were present. 

This was way more serious than they thought.

He uncomfortably shifted around as they stared at him, scrutinising him. He felt so awkward and tried to convincingly laugh off his discomfort but their face was just filled with concern.

CHAPTER 3

Ze looked him up and down, once trying to fully convince hirself about the state of this all being a big joke while concern stubbornly stuck to hir face. "You're really serious about this?" ze asked as he looked away, refusing to make anymore eye contact with hir. 

"As a freaking heart attack," he mumbled, feeling extremely self conscious about this whole thing.

This was much more within hir realm of wallowing and stewing in sorrow type behaviour ze was known for, but ze knew that this wasn't what hir older brother was known for. Ze pinched the bridge of hir nonexistent nose and sighed loudly in dramatic frustration, "Okay. Okay, you obviously need some sort of support right now because clearly your pride is going to take over and you would rather devour yourself than admit any sort of vulnerable feelings to him, right?"

He knew the question was rhetorical but hir apt assessment of the situation shocked the words out of him. He unconsciously nodded ever so slightly in response, just enough for hir to notice. "Cool," ze said and clapped hir hands together, "As insufferable as you can be, I'm sure you'd be a hundred times worse if you don't just come to terms with all this. I mean, I never would. Unrequited pining makes for sweet suffering and I-"

Strong Sad cut hirself off, noticing Strong Bad uncomfortably shifting in place and crossing his arms while looking away. Okay, maybe ze got a little carried away. No matter, ze had another idea that would work better for him, considering he absolutely was not typically the wallowing type. Plus, Strong Bad getting all quiet on hir was incredibly off-putting and ze could only get so much satisfaction from it for so long.

"Forget what I was saying," ze quickly corrected, redirecting their point, "What if it isn't totally unrequited?" He perked up slightly, still trying to hide his true feelings on the matter but ze have been around him long enough to see through his facade for the most part.

"Are you serious-? I mean, of course you're serious, why wouldn't he dig me, I'm irresistible," he motioned with his glove as if he were sticking back hair, if he had any. Strong Sad rolled hir eyes, moreso just tired with his nonsense but ze were pushing through. 

"Sure, okay, whatever you say," ze said coldly with a sardonic snort, a smirk pulling at the corners of hir lips. Ze pinched the bridge of hir nonexistent nose once again before asking, "Have you ever considered, oh I dunno, maybe possibly talking to him about all this?"

Strong Bad fell silent once more and ze were immediately put off by this. The sudden quiet spoke volumes and way more truth than hir older brother would by running his mouth. "Oh, so you haven't," ze snarked, rolling hir eyes and burying hir face in hir hands. 

Great. This was just great.

Strong Sad wasn't even sure how ze was supposed to push him to actually talk to Homestar, considering he would beat hir up at the mere suggestion of doing so. Ze had to be sneaky about it, make him seem like he thought of it rather than hir planting the thought in his mind. "So, you, oh so brave and manly Strong Bad, have been too scared to talk to Homestar about some silly little feelings," ze was being partially sarcastic, but ze knew this was the best approach to get under his skin just enough for him to do something about all of this.

"What-? No! I'm not scared, why would I be scared?" 

He was laughing uncomfortably. Truth was that he was terrified; Homestar has been a prominent and stable enough presence in his life that the idea of suddenly losing him over how his feelings regarding their relationship suddenly changed was deeply horrifying to him. Admittedly, change sometimes deeply scared him, like utterly rocked to his core levels of scare. 

Ze smirked to hirself. Bingo. "Uh-huh, totally not petrified by the idea of being rejected, like you said yourself, you're cruel to him," ze taunted, opting that getting under his skin would give him the push he needed. Strong Bad ran off of the spite of others along with the need to prove people wrong all the time. 

What ze did not account for was the flash of insecurity that ran across hir brother's face before he immediately put back up his false bravado, ze didn't even really take into account the possibility that his pushed down fears and insecurities would overcome any pseudo confidence.

Strong Sad was almost embarrassed.

Ze took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, "Okay. Maybe, it would be best if you handled this yourself. I know that realistically you're not gonna, but honestly? I'm starting to see that nothing I could do to help would help." He shifted awkwardly in place as he ran a glove across his head, "Nuh-uh, I totally can and I totally will. I'm not a sissy like you, I'm not some sort of chicken."

Oh this, this was way more promising. Strong Bad's false bravado was back in spades and he was holding himself in an infinitely more smug manner, rather than his brief expression of meekness. It felt like order had been properly restored in the Strong family household and Strong Sad honestly couldn't be more relieved.

A beat. Okay, the silence was awkward again.

Ze cleared hir throat and rubbed at the back of hir neck, "Well, glad to see it. Look, I know it probably doesn't mean much, but proud of you for coming to your senses." Ze put a hand on his shoulder and gave him an earnest smile. He cleared his throat and pushed the hand off while refusing eye contact with hir, "Thanks, I guess. Don't be getting any ideas though."

He stayed silent and shot hir a glance, giving hir a thumbs up quick enough that he could deny it before bolting away back to his room. He had to ruminate on this some more.

After all, there was a miniscule chance that he had a chance and that honestly was enough for him right now.

CHAPTER 4

It had quickly turned out to be enough for him for only a little bit, it had turned out. The moment he tried to arrange for something for him to potentially bring up his feelings to Homestar, he immediately convinced himself that it would turn out horribly . He could feel the flutter of metaphorical moths crawling around his guts and up his throat; it made him want to hurl. The adrenaline was too much and the embarrassing sense of overwhelming anxiety about the whole situation made it even worse, so he simply bailed before even confessing his 'deepest, darkest desires' as his sibling would have probably described it.

He knew he would be beating himself up about it later, but this brief instance of cowardice protected his pride for now, if only for just for a little longer.

Well, now was the perfect time to distract himself by checking his emails. He booted up his shitty laptop and leaned his head against his glove while waiting for it. Finally, it opened up and he pulled up his email. He scrolled through, eyes glazed over as he tried to find an unread email that interested him.

He perked up as a subject line grabbed him, yeah, this would be an absolutely perfect one to rip and tear into today. This is exactly just what Strong Bad needed; he had been desperately attempting to cope with a ton of overwhelming emotions these past few days so he truly needed it. He leaned against his glove as he read the email aloud to himself, getting violently reminded of his sibling at some points with the overbearing dorkiness of it all. "Boring," he declared, drawing out the 'g' as he quickly lost all interest in the email, "And deleted!"

This continued to be his routine for the day, the structure of it all bringing him great comfort, especially in the maelstrom that was his volatile mess of emotions. 

After clearing his inbox of all unread emails, he once again found himself struck with a new surge of boredom. He leaned back on his chair as he looked around the room in an attempt to find a new form of entertainment, perking up when he recalled his video game system in his room. Perfect, he could pull out his new game he got recently. Abandoning his dearly beloved and terrible laptop, he bolted down to his room in the basement, being careful to avoid Strong Sad and thons snide comments about his predicament. He could only imagine how much joy his misery that came with dealing with such vulnerability would bring thon.

Once reaching his room, he immediately launched himself into his nest of a bed before rolling back down to his gaming console. He quickly booted up the system and launched the game itself, excitedly tapping his gloves against the controller. His eyes were glued to the screen as he watched through the opening credits, immediately starting the game itself as soon as the opportunity was available.

He blasted through the game before reaching a level that he had been dreading. He groaned loudly and threw his controller against the television after he died for about the umpteenth time in the game, quick to pout over it. The level theme was sure to haunt his thoughts for the rest of the day, making it insufferable.

As absolutely infuriating as it was, this game did prove to make a proper distraction because Strong Bad was barely even thinking about him.

Of course, this was said too soon because Homestar immediately invaded his mind once again.

His face immediately ran hot with the sensation running all the way down his shoulders. It made him want to hurl. He kept thinking about all the things he would like to be able to do with the other man and once again it filled his guts with those damned metaphorical moths crawling around. These feelings were really getting insufferable and he was nearly reaching a point where he could no longer ignore them.

He needed to actually tell him, now.

He cleared his throat as he jotted down these feelings on a scrap piece of paper, trying to find a proper way to put it all into words as a way to calm his nerves about the ordeal. He read them over before struck by a realisation of someone who would actually be potentially helpful, as well as not being as much of a mood killer like his sibling and the general grim energy thon brings. He was going to have to go to Marzipan, because as often as they are at each other's throats, she would actually have proper genuine advice for how to go about all this. Plus, it would be a good way to double check if her and Homestar were currently dating right now.

Still, the thought of being vulnerable was horrifying. Peace and love and all that vulnerable nonsense was supposed to be Marzipan's bread and butter, he supposed. After all, she had that whole hippie chick flowerchild thing going on. He generally thought of it as sickeningly obnoxious but it would be unfortunately useful for getting him to swallow his stupid pride and be vulnerable with Homestar. 

It still all made him want to throw up from the perceived softness and overwhelming anxiety about it all. It was vile, absolutely dreadful.

He would hate to admit it to himself, but sometimes the idea of that softness seems nice. He wanted nice things every once in a while and he felt it was deserved. He cradled his head as his mind was filled with this tender imagery, which did still embarrass and shake him to his core. Oh well. He was going to have to suck it up because he did find himself all giddy just thinking about Homestar and he felt he'd earned it for even just considering being vulnerable.

Yay him. Now, it was time to hype himself up to have an actually important discussion with Marzipan because he knows he's going to dread it the entire time one way or another.

He could already hear her gloating and taunting him in his thoughts. It was still horrific but things had to be done, whether he wanted them to or not.

CHAPTER 5

After spending the entire morning giving himself a pep talk in the mirror, Strong Bad dragged himself to Marzipan's house. He was silently cursing himself for stooping this low the entire trek over but quickly was shocked back to his senses as her voice hit his ears.

"Strong Bad," she greeted, turned towards him with an eyebrow quirked in mild amusement and utter bewilderment as she leaned over her garden she was attending to. He snickered to himself as he recalled all the sorts of mischief he got up to regarding said garden, that sort of stuff always irritated her to absolutely no end and it brought him ridiculous amounts of joy. He absolutely adored riling her up and getting under her skin. She made it so fun and as much as he hated to admit it, he did enjoy it when she also got a kick out of his hijinks.

Over in the gazebo was his older brother with The Cheat, he wasn't expecting to see them here but he did suppose Strong Mad did say something about band practice being today. He guessed he just forgot or, more likely, wasn't really listening to begin with.

"Hello," she drawled out the 'o' as she violently pulled Strong Bad's attention back to her, "Earth to Strong Bad! What are you doing here? You better not be planning on pulling up my daisies again, I just replanted them from last time." Right, he totally forgot that was the last thing he did while he was over.

"Psh, no, why would I repeat my old tricks? Everyone knows that you gotta keep your routine fresh before you bore-"

"Because it was about the seventh time you pulled up my daisies and had me replant them."

"-before you bore them. Really, seven times? Wow, I really need to shake things up, jeez. Anyway, no, I actually uh, need to speak to you about something. But uh, could we speak in private? The last thing I need is for The Cheat to have something to hold over my head for the rest of eternity," Strong Bad mumbled and Marzipan immediately shot him an uninterested look.

"Strong Bad, I know Homestar and I aren't together for the moment but if this is you trying to 'court' me again, I'm really not interested, flattered but grossly uninterested," she quickly responded and he immediately buried his face into his gloves, groaning in frustration.

"No! Nothing like that, god trust me when I say that would be way easier," he snorted, arms crossed as he narrowed his eyes up at her. Well, Marzipan's interest was piqued now; Strong Bad generally hounded her in what she assumed was a sad attempt to affirm his own sense of masculinity to himself because she picked up on his heart not really being in it. This rare instance of sincerity definitely cemented the theory for her now. He sighed deeply and clapped his gloved hands together, a rare serious expression stuck to his mask, "Look. You can't laugh, I will literally kill you if you laugh, got it?"

"All right, I got it," she chuckled, trying to keep a straight face. She rarely took his threats seriously, he truly was a nuisance at best. She nodded slightly before leading him inside to her kitchen so the two could speak. She leaned back against the counter with a relatively more serious look to her, "So, what is it really that you needed to talk to me about?"

He took a deep, shaky breath, desperately hoping she didn't pick up on it and immediately out his nervousness. He may be being somewhat vulnerable at this moment but he still had his pride. "Okay so," he began as he plotted out his next words carefully, "Say you've got icky-sappy-gross-soft feelings for someone and they're usually pretty oblivious, like they can be dense as bricks, but you feel like you have to tell them or you'll literally just, y'know, die." She immediately shot him an amused smirk in response which made him sick to his stomach. He hated being so on display emotionally like this, even if he is desperately attempting to dance around the specifics of it all out of sheer embarrassment.

"Strong Bad, you aren't that sneaky, you know that right?" she giggled, "So you've got feelings for someone, huh? Oh, I just wonder who it is…" Her words trailed off but the smug look on her face and clear sarcasm in her voice immediately made Strong Bad aware that she knew exactly who he was vaguely referring to. This was absolutely dreadful and he was loathing every second of it.

She cleared her throat and quickly regained her composure, "Look Strong Bad, Homestar likes you a lot, like it's kinda embarrassing how much he likes you. I'm sure you'll be fine and honestly? I don't really care if you go after him, consider it my blessing or whatever. Or don't, whatever is better for your dumb pride."

He absolutely despised how easily she read him, it was like he was an open book and she immediately combed through to pick out the parts that would affect him most. It was awful and shook him to his core, causing his mask to flush out of pure shame. He never wanted someone to have such easy access to that sort of information. It made him sick to his stomach and almost a little anxious even if he would never admit it to himself.

She carefully analysed his face, quickly picking on her cue that it was time to throttle back on her observations. She sighed loudly in a highly over dramatised manner, "Look, I'll be the bigger person here because I sure know that you're not going to. I can't believe I'm saying this but I could help, you'd owe me though. Don't think I'm doing you a favour for free, you're not off the hook for the daisies."

Right. He nearly forgot about those. Noted.

He hesitated, mouth open to object but no words could make their way out. He did come to her for some assistance with this little problem of his after all and here she is offering it to him. He would be foolish to reject it. 

"All right, fine, okay, sure," he grumbled, "You can help I guess."

"Wonderful!" she exclaimed, absolutely beaming with pride, "Here, come back later after band practice, I've got to finish up here but afterwards I'll help. Just remember, you will owe me one."

Oh, he won't forget. After all, there's no way she'd let him.

CHAPTER 6

Band practice had wrapped up and Strong Bad had made his way back over to Marzipan's house, secretly a little nervous about the whole thing. Of course, he would much rather keel over and die than admit this nervousness, but it still stubbornly stuck. Stewing over his thoughts about all of this, he begrudgingly made his way up to Marzipan's door. He had a brief fleeting impulse to ring the bell and bolt off to the bushes, giggling to himself the whole way. He couldn't be pulling those sorts of shenanigans right now though, because as much as he hated to admit it, he did genuinely need a little bit of her help here.

His mind did start to wander to the idea of the favour he'll owe her, however. It almost was terrifying how it could be quite literally anything. It gave him the jibblies, admittedly. He unconsciously shivered before shaking his head clear and finally actually ringing that damn doorbell. He stood there, stewing in his discomfort and anxious energy. Marzipan had finally swung the door open with a cheerful expression stuck to her face. 

"Oh! Hello, Strong Bad," she chimed, holding the door open wider for him. He nodded towards her as he slinked inside, avoiding her eyes the best he could. She shuffled out of the way and back to her couch, sitting down carefully before nodding towards the other side of it.

"Come, sit."

He grumbled slightly to himself, a little embarrassed, as he sat down beside her but refusing to look her in the eye. "Okay, so, I'm here. Now what do we talk about, like how do we exactly go about…" he paused, swallowing thickly as he had to will himself to continue, "...well, all this I guess. You know I'm not about this mushy feelings crap. It's weird. And gross."

She shook her head and clicked her tongue in disapproval, "Strong Bad, I can't decide if I'm happy to say this or not, but outlooks like that are going to actually kill you." He felt his mask flush in utter embarrassment, completely ashamed of her immediately digging her metaphorical claws into his insecurity and revealing it with such ease. Maybe that's why Strong Sad hung out with her so much. Regardless, it was awful for him and he felt like he was going to be sick from feeling exposed.

She quickly picked up this mild shift in his demeanour and opted to try to carefully dance around this. Don't point out his insecurity, she reminded herself carefully, it would cause him to literally drop dead on the spot. While as funny as that would be, she wasn't exactly in a good position to have to clean up a dead body right now, maybe if it was a different day or time she could. But right now? Right now was not an opportune time.

Back to the subject at hand, she shifted in her seat as she mulled it over. She immediately perked up as soon as a thought sparked her, "Hey, I have an idea."

He hesitated, eyeing her carefully, "...what's your idea?"

"Ask him out on a date and I'll follow you there, I'll make sure you don't screw it up from a distance."

" Huh ."

She snorted and had she had arms they would be crossed right now, slamming her head back against the couch cushion. "Look, you know like in the movies? I'll be at another booth close by, in a disguise or something. I'm sure I have a costume lying around from acting in your silly Dangeresque movies."

He narrowed his eyes at her, "First of all, take that back. The Dangeresque movies are not silly, they're totally cool and totally serious."

She snorted once again. "Right, right. Totally serious."

"Secondly," he continued, intensely scrutinising her face for any sign of genuine judgement, "I don't even know how I'd go about working that out. Y'know, like getting it in motion and stuff." She nodded slowly along as he spoke, visibly taking it all in. Which was, to be completely honest, a bit of a relief for him. As much of a hard time as she liked to give him, she did seem to genuinely understand him and his circumstances.

She inhaled sharply through her teeth, "Well, I suppose I could also push you in the right direction. And I do mean push, I am going to force this into action if I have to." He chuckled awkwardly to himself as he grabbed at the base of his own neck, desperately rubbing at it in an attempt to self soothe in this very moment. The notion of being forced into a state of vulnerability, it was uncomfortable, he was uncomfortable. She perked up as she quickly picked up on the discomfort aggressively radiating off of him. Grimacing, she started to reel back, "Well, maybe not force, but you get what I mean. You have to get out of your comfort zone, especially considering we both know that your 'comfort zone' is just a state of pure denial."

He scoffed with a snort, "What? No, that's not true. I'm totally comfortable,  mushy stuff is just lame."

"See, there you go, denying and proving my point."

That got him to shut his trap, not without a bit of a grumble however. She gave him a smug, knowing look that immediately made him want to retreat even more into him. "Okay. Fine. Whatever," he groaned, crossing his arms with a little huff. She hummed in content, pleased with his admission. 

"I'll play your stupid little game and when it goes up in flames, you'll be all like 'Oh Strong Bad, why didn't I listen to you and your awesome brain? You knew this was going to happen because you're so smart and '-" he sneered before she cut him off.

"Strong Bad," she stated sternly with a furrowed brow, "You'll be fine. Shut up, you sound so ridiculously insecure that it's literally comical at this point. Just bite the stupid bullet already, I'm already tired of this." 

He tried to hide his reflexive wince at her words, but she did have a point, he was kinda starting to spiral there. He snorted as he gave her a smug look of his own, " Regardless , I'll just do the stupid thing and I'll rock it all by myself without your stupid help. So. Take that."

He stormed off in a hurry, huffing proudly to himself, as he left a distinctly smug and prideful Marzipan in his wake. She did her part, now he had to do his.

HOME.